Tuesday, December 4, 2012

See-thru pants: never a good idea.

I'm sick today. I've spent all day either lying on the couch or in the bathroom. Good times! So at 1:00 I asked Dax "should we go get some McDonalds?" to which he responded with a delighted "YAY!" Some fresh air and a car ride just sounded nice, and McDonalds always helps when I have an icky tummy. That seems pretty backwards; shouldn't it make my tummy worse? I don't think its a good sign that it makes me feel BETTER.

I didn't bother to change my clothes or freshen up. We were going through the drive thru, for goodness sake. 'This is Duvall, we don't need to be fancy out here.' [One of my most favorite excuses which covers a multitude of things.] We got to the McDonalds up on the Ridge, and I was just getting excited thinking about the tummy-soothing benefits of bubbly fountain drinks when I realized ....

The drive thru is closed. Arrrgh! They're remodeling the stupid place, and today of all days, the drive thru is closed.

Now, I detest eating inside fast food restaurants. I prefer to eat in the car, or bring the food home. Not sure why this is. Maybe its because I don't want to run into anyone I know and have them realize how ghetto I really am - "oh, I only come here like twice a year, really." Maybe its due to happy childhood memories of going with my mom to McDonalds for sodas and fries. We'd park in the sun to enjoy our treats, and visit or read our books in silence together. Yes, I'm sure that's it. Anyway .. my kids hate that I never want to eat inside. But I'm sure any mom understands how 'going out to lunch' isn't exactly a fun outing. Chairs become parallel bars for leg-swinging acrobatics; booths and tables become obstacles to race around; ketchup inevitably goes flying at some point. Not fun.

If it were a normal day, upon seeing a drive thru so rudely closed off, I'd just sigh with resignation and we'd eat inside. Today ..... remember that I didn't bother to change my clothes or freshen up? I won't describe my hair or outfit in detail. Let me just say I was wearing The Worst Pants Ever. Specifically, old see-thru leggings I shouldn't even let have space in my closet. With a top that did not cover the bum region. Panic! What do I do?! I cannot go in McDonalds wearing see-thru pants!! People will see my booty!! I am supposed to be a respectable PTA mom. I might see someone from the school, and they will see my booty.

OK, focus. Other options of where to eat ..... ?? Ha, this is the Snoqualmie Valley; the only other drive thru for miles around is Starbucks. I had that yesterday and maybe that's why my tummy is in turmoil. What to do!? Why am I such a loser who can't just fix lunch at home?! Why do I always get into these stupid predicaments?!

As I'm panicking in the parking lot, Dax is sitting patiently in his seat, wondering why in the world we aren't just going inside for our food, and finally asks me. I reply "remember Daxie, Mommy is sick today, so I don't want to go inside. I don't look very nice today."

"Well, let's go to Taco Time then." Four-year-old logic:  Mommy doesn't want to go in McDonalds. Where else is yummy and has a drive thru? Oh yeah, Taco Time!

Thirty-three-year old logic:  Hmm, Taco Time does sound good. But its all the way in Redmond. I will be the hugest loser in the world if I drive all the way to Redmond for lunch. Besides, beans will just make me sicker. Not to mention the waste of gas driving this stinkin' Yukon all the way to Redmond. For fast food. All because I am lazy and didn't change into non-transparent pants. As punishment, Self, you will go inside McDonalds and risk everyone seeing your booty.

Sigh of resignation. Maybe it'll be OK. Maybe nobody is in line. Maybe they'll be quick, and we can get-in-n-get-out. I put my brave face on and climbed out of the truck, at which point I found an enormous beetle-like bug on my leg, which caused some shrieking and flailing, which can't have been attractive in The Pants.

Get a grip! Go inside and get your stupid nasty lunch!! Oh look, there's five people in line. Oh look, every booth and table is full of guys. Construction guys, delivery guys, sketchy guys of all types .. now there's teenage guys right behind me in line! Nice! Please, please don't look at my pants. I promise I'm just a boring chubby mom with dirty hair, a stained hoodie, and generic shearling boots. No reason for you to notice me.

I swear I didn't read anything on that site - I'm not that big of a nerd, yet. They just had the image I wanted.

I tried to angle myself properly so my backside was facing a wall or something, anything where people wouldn't see it. A daunting task in a fast food restaurant. Remember, Self, this is your punishment for 1) eating garbage and 2) not changing into something appropriate for public.

We got in and got out. Mortified. I've become that frumpy, greasy, horribly dressed mom who takes her kid to McDonalds in her PJs with unbrushed teeth.

Things have a way of working out. I got an extra Happy Meal for Xander so he'd have a surprise when he got home from school. And do you know what he said when I gave it to him?

"You are the best mom EVER."

That's all a mama needs to hear to turn her day around.

But I am SO getting rid of these pants.


  1. Hah! Love it! :-) great first blog post!

  2. I belly laughed! I can just picture the Booty!

  3. So FUNNY! I'm glad I'm not the only one to scrutinize over these things. I really did laugh out loud. Love the profile write up too. "immaturity" good one! Ha!

  4. Love it! I seriously hate it when my kids beg and beg to actually go IN to McDonald's. I rarely say yes and I've decided that fries truly taste the best in the car - no matter where they are from. They are never hot when you get home and into the house. they must be scarfed from the bag while driving and trying not to get grease on the steering wheel!

    The blog looks awesome - love the lego header and background! (great idea ;) )

    yay!!!! awesome name, too. keep blogging!

    1. yes - no grease on the steering wheel!! Lol, love it. Thanks for your help and ideas!!

  5. This made me laugh out loud!! So glad to be reading your blogging again!

  6. The pictures captured the drama PERFECTLY. Well done!